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Honey I Fixed it! Scroll Down Why I Love The South!
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Thank's to Nancy Barnes for this one - This is too funny!!!
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Never Argue with a Woman
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside
cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,
and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
Thanks Maria for sending this one in!
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The
Best Smart Ass Answers of 2009!!
SMART
ASS ANSWER #6
It
was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like
dinner?', the
flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my
choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she
replied.
SMART
ASS ANSWER #5
A
flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man
approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat
and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your
stub.'
SMART
ASS ANSWER #4
A
lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, '
Do
these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am,
they're dead.'
SMART
ASS ANSWER #3
The
police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window.. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer
said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could..'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket
SMART
ASS ANSWER #2
A
truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low
Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his
truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police
car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts
his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver
says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
SMART
ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009!!
A
college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't
tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate
family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass
student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say
if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook
her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
other hand.'
A
BONUS EXTRA
A
woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what
she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I
really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your
eyesight's damn near perfect. _______________________________________________
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to KISS OFF!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
Thanks, Terri & Nancy for this one!
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The Husband Song - This is too funny!
Happy Halloween
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<---------------- Click the picture to connect.
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If you love cats you will love this - thanks Betsy!
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Do we want to have kids..............................?
OR
Get a dog............................................................?
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Oscar Mayer Wienermobile crashes into Wis. home
MOUNT PLEASANT, Wis. – One southern Wisconsin homeowner is probably not in love with the Oscar Mayer wiener. The famed hot dog's Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee.
Police said the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.
No one was home and no one was injured. No citations were immediately issued.
Both the home and vehicle suffered moderate damage, which Oscar Mayer spokeswoman Sydney Lindner says insurance will cover.
Police hadn't been able to speak to the homeowner as of early Friday evening.
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This is Great - watch the little Lizard (on the table) on the left.
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Gabriel Iglesias - drunk driving
(He's Not Fat He's Fluffy!)
The truth about airline talk
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Photo by:
Karen Alexander of Two Daze Pleasure Yacht Club
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Some Women Are Just Born This Way!
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We have all shopped here!
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This really might offend some people - sorry
Finding You
I will seek and find You . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu
Now, get your mind out of the gutter and Go get your flu shot!
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Well - Hum
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These are just wrong!
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A lady asked her husband for a fur coat for Christmas. Under the christmas tree appeared a very small box with her name on it.When she unwrapped the tiny box she found a mouse trap. The lady asked her husband what is this and he proudly said "It's a starter kit".
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Squirrel Day Spa
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I love to play Poppit!™
Pop groups of colored balloons in Poppit!™, the prickly online puzzle game! |
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Over 18 only 
